Funny things pop into my head when I wake up in the morning. Some days I remember my dreams so vividly and sometimes it’s just feelings or moments of visions of a dream. Have you ever had that?
I’m working on two totally different novels at the moment so my dreams are very colorful right now and I’m drawing from the cast of characters in my past. I’m finding I have a challenge. As Mastin Kipp states in his blog (TheDailyLove.com) today:
“Can you allow yourself to go on the journey and experience all the emotions, circumstances and feelings, good and bad? Can you step out into the unknown daily and allow yourself to become a stronger person because of it?”
There’s a double edged sword while stepping into the unknown because I question, am I stuck in my past story or using it for creative purposes in a good way. Trying to move beyond my history begs the question; can evaluating the past be good for you?
When speaking at colleges or by friends I’m always asked the inevitable question, “What’s so-and-so like?” I felt like the family pet trick at weddings or even by an ex- boyfriend’s family cornering me for gossipy dish. “Come on, tell us something really horrible about X.” I love sharing MY stories, good, bad and ugly, but they’re about me. Not trashing another actor, director or producer. I’m happy to share the fun stories of good things by an actor, but this need to bash on Hollywood A-listers is just bad karma to me. Besides, there are 3 sides to every story.
Because of this, I turned down jobs working for some celebs because I’m the caretaker type and would have tried to “fix” everything in their lives. Of course, I couldn’t, but doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have tried. The media storms today, like TMZ, would have really loved the closed door stories, but that’s pain I’m glad wasn’t shared until they were ready. It’s the one’s that are misunderstood or the “caught” silly moments taken out of context and then blown out of proportion that are most painful to watch.
I’m told by a friend that my earlier posts are very sad and depressing. Besides the fact that I’m struggling with what advice to give myself, it was more a sharing of my past to draw on the stories I’m using for my novel. I do have some funny stories and I’ll work on those soon. My journey has been filled, yes, with some sadness, but I LOVE my Hollywood journey. I’ve been honored to meet some of the most amazingly talented people in front of and behind the camera. I thank you all for the amazing lessons and adventures. I hope some of you find them entertaining as I weave them into my next projects.